Stuff Toy Girl

Have you ever felt like you dont own yourself? 
Like you have a multiply personalities and feels like happy but not..
I usually felt that feelings.. Like you have been under a spell of some freaking magician..
I have been good girl in the eyes of a normal people.. 
What ever mom's says and like i follow...
If mom said stay... I stayed...
If mom said you can go... I wont go...
If mom said you can't have a relationship yet... I follow...
I love my mom so much thats why I follow everything she said..
But I have some few regrets of always following her order...
I never been enjoyed living... 
I never learned to decide for myself...
I never learned to be independent...
I never learned how to make my own self happy...
I never learned how to make plans for myself...
Until now I never know myself...